Building self confidence

Building Self Confidence in 9 Easy Steps. Well, maybe not so easy.

By Cath Calvert

SPIKED have a key aim and that is to promote a healthy lifestyle and the building of confidence through sport and physical activity.  Recently SPIKED have teamed up with Parkour Generations to promote Parkour/Freerunning. 
Parkour has no boundaries, it is a way of life that promotes respect for each other and the community, it is socially inclusive, it builds confidence and self respect and it promotes a healthy lifestyle through physical activity.

Building confidence is something that everyone should be aware of, as it is central to anyone’s progression.

Bullying comes in many forms, physical or verbal and has potentially long term effects, but with the right help or advice you can make progressive steps.

If you’ve had a rough time with bullying at school—or even at home or work—you may crumble, and start to believe the mean words that bullies unleash, or feel you deserve the aggression. It’s cold comfort to realise that many bullies act big to make you feel small—because their own confidence is lacking. Still, you may become caught in a vicious circle that turns into self blame, digging out your confidence until you’ve withdrawn from the world. That little voice inside is as powerful as any bully. Maybe tougher.

You can stay stuck there. Many people do. But with a little effort, you can change your situation—and your feelings.  

• Start with the basics. Your body language is key. LOOK confident, and it will not only be accepted by others, but will make you feel better, too. That means, shoulders back, head up, meet others’ eyes. Focus on breathing slowly and releasing your muscle tension—that will help the way you feel, too. It’s difficult, so practice in the mirror till you get it right. Positive reactions from others will give you a building block for your confidence.
• Try a mental inventory, and dwell on the positive. You surely don’t feel a failure in EVERY part of your life. You’re great with little kids, you can make a chocolate cake, you know all there is to know about the moon. Go with your strengths and your interests.
• Make some goals. If you are good at something, set small and incremental goals to get better. Or learn something completely new. This may mean taking a course, or talking to a teacher or tutor. Each little success will help you lay a new foundation.
• Do something for others. It’s easy to get sucked into a whirlpool of self-analysis, usually for the worst. Take your skills—yes, you have them-- and your time, and help a charity that you believe in. You will meet new people who share your enthusiasms, and get gratitude, which is a boost. And you can pat yourself on the back, too.
• If your interests aren’t shared by those around you, find some who do. You will make new friendships based on real appreciation. Sometimes a small group—like the scouts—with lots of activities and strong leadership will let you find new things you enjoy—and new friends.
• Don’t be so hard on yourself, even if you make mistakes. Learn that failure isn’t the end. You can learn something. You can practice. You can go on. To minimize failures, remember preparation is the key.
• Learning to be assertive—not aggressive—will come naturally as you progress in self-esteem. But if you are still finding it tough to relax and be yourself, or to speak up, there are assertiveness courses. Kidscape offers free workshops for bullied kids from 8-15, and in a day, you can get the knowledge and encouragement you need. Practising makes it easy. www.kidscape.org.uk.
• Some people say, just pretend! People are lazy, and will usually take you as you present yourself. If you act confident, they will assume you are—and when they treat you that way, you will feel better. Controling your negative feelings is like a muscle—exercise it. Anxious? Ignore it. Mentally prepare for each challenge. Feeling shy? Have some open-ended questions ready—nearly all people love to talk about themselves! 
• Exercise is actually, scientifically-proven, a boost to your mood. Simply, exercise causes your body to release endorphins and adrenalin, which lift your spirits and keep you energized. You will stand straighter. You will meet new people. You will add to your self-confidence—because you can do more things.  The challenges of improving a skill are just the ones to make you proud, if you try try again.

Many take up some form of martial arts. Not so you can deck your bully. Besides being an aid to an upright posture, martial arts let you experience conflict in a safe way—and to win. Next time you meet conflict, you won’t be so intimidated.

• Now stop reading! You can analyze, you can agonize, you can sit in your room and brood. But  nothing will change unless you take that one little tiny step for yourself. Action is key.  If you are lucky, you can find a friend or family member who can back you up. But building your self confidence is up to you. Of course  you’ll have some setbacks—but you’ll soon see. And you’ll be wiser and stronger than those who never knew this journey.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams”—Henry David Thoreau

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